Hadiths and Islamic Fundamentalism

I just read an article on a website. I guy I know has been sued for Islamic terrorism. He's an Italian convert living in my city.
I cannot understand how a somewhat intelligent and cultured young man can change so much, throw his culture in the garbage bin and decide to embrace the most intolerant, racist, hateful and misogynist kind of religion I have met so far.
I mean: culture should make you open minded.
If your mind becomes narrow... well, something went wrong. Very wrong.
I don't blame Islam as such for this. Islam is basically a peaceful religion even if it doesn't stand out as to religious tolerance. Or better, it does, when muslims want their religion to be accepted and respected. Not the same when it's their turn to respect others.
I am not blaming Islam in general. I have a lot of muslim friends, the father of my girls is a muslim too, and most of them are peaceful and kind people I like spending my time with. I also have to say I have received a great help from them. But unfortunately muslims have their fundamentalist wing. And this is the Islam I won't ever respect.

If you rely on the Quran alone, you can see that it is a book for open minded people. A book designed to regulate human life and to protect the environment. If you want to read a wonderful book about this, you can check this link.
The real problem of Islam is that most of its followers rely on a huge and despicable pile of sayings attributed to Prophet Muhammad and called the hadith. This is the source of: discrimination, hate, misogyny, ignorance, bad habits, and I could go on for weeks...
NO ONE of these sayings can be attributed to Muhammad with certainty.
More so if - as the same Muslims affirm - Muhammad was the perfect man.
Here you can find a detailed and clear explanation of the reason why all this crap should be forgotten and deleted from human history.

The Quran does not promote violence. Hadiths do.
The Quran teaches not to disrespect other human beings, whatever their faith may be. Hadiths do not show the same level of tolerance and respect for other faiths.
The Quran does not desrespect, isolate, humiliate women. Hadiths do.
The Quran does not contain stupid, insane or meaningless practices. 90% of the Hadiths is made by them.
The Quran teaches men how to live a happy life in harmony between themselves and with the environment. Hadiths enslave men to a long and sometimes funny series of debatable practices that should help them to reach the Garden. Well, if I have to live like an robot to reach that Garden, then I am quite sure it's a place I wouldn't like to live in.
The Quran doesn't depict religion as an accumulation of points at the end of which you win a place in Paradise. Hadiths base their "authority" exactly on this: if you don't act as prescribed, you don't get a point. That's all.

Thinking with my head is a rule I cannot fail to follow.
I cannot follow any rule or commandment that asks me to behave in a way that doesn't agree with my reason and with my feelings.
I guess that love and respect towards other human beings is the very fundamental religion we have.
Everything else is a detail.
Ignore details when they would make you act as a non-human being.

IKEA

This morning we went to Ikea for shopping. Or better, we went to Ikea to let my girls play for an hour in the kids playground space while I was looking for some things.

We came there before the opening, and as soon as Ikea officially opened I went to speak with the woman working at playground space. I was strolling my eldest daughter in her wheelchair.

That woman started looking at Leila with worrysome eyes and said: "Madam, I am alone this morning and...".

Usually I get upset at this. Often people creates problem if you are speaking about a disabled kid. Probably for fear of responsibilities. 

The committee of negative voices in my head started screaming this reply:

"Ok, you are alone, but since nothing in your rules say DISABLED KIDS ARE NOT ACCEPTED, my girl can play here with her sister. And yes, democracy is not one of my best abilities :)"

I counted to ten and the committee left the room.

I decided to talk positively.

"I understand, but you don't have to worry. Yes, I know you are alone, but believe me, if she could be in danger here I wouldn't have tried to take her here. In addition, my girl can walk although not so well, she's independent and her younger sister promised to take a look at her from time to time... "

She replied positively.

"Ok, I will take an extra look to her. Please don't leave the building, if I will be in need I will call you using the speakers".

Years ago, just the expression on her face would have prompted me to a bad attitude.

But I understood that if you have a positive attitude, most of the people you meet will be positive towards you too.

Try to be positive.

I learned that positivity attracts positivity.

I swear, it works.

You must keep moving

Today Facebook prompted this image to me when I was surfing the net, bored and a little worried because my eldest daughter seems to be sick :/

I spent my day with the kids and my ex husband at the playground near the sea in my city.

If I didn't keep moving in my life, I definitely wouldn't be there today. And if life didn't force me to act quite contrarily respect to what I would have behaved if I was the only one to decide what to do with my girls, they wouldn't have been there with him either.

I have been married for 11 years with M. When we me he was a handsome guy, nice and polite. Or at least this is what I thought at the moment. My marriage taught me at least not to judge a book by its cover.

We almost immediately started to quarrel. I loved him but everything was wrong with us. Probably it has been a matter of culture. He's a sunni muslim. I define myself a stray dog.

My family taught me the importance of respect for other people's life and freedom. I have a university degree and I am a free thinker, outspoken and very keen to friendship with people of different cultures, sex and religion.

His culture - and his dad, sad but true - taught him to find a woman who could wash his clothes, cook him meals and have sex on request. 

Obviously it couldn't last long. Sometimes I ask myself how we managed to live in the same flat for eleven years without stabbing each other.

Our marriage had a sad ending. One day he came home from another city and found our house empty. I fled with the girls. Well, if an unemployed woman flees with two baby girls, the eldest one disabled  and just some more than two years old, she has a very very good reason to do it, considering the fact that Social Services here in Italy are quick to take away kids in this kind of situation.

After we have been forced to cooperate for the kids, we spent years screaming on the phone for the most stupid reason. I don't regret for this, I had my reasons and maybe I still have, but I am really sure that if a marriage fails both spouses have their share of fault. And I am sure I have mine.

Then something happened. One day we simply found ourselves talking like two normal friends. I don't know if we managed to do this for the sake of our kids. I can't tell what prompted him to change his attitude. But I know what changed mine.

Living in rage is very, very tiring.

I had two options. 

#1, going on hating him as long as I lived. 

#2, checking if there was a chance to save something. I chosen the second, and I was right. Or lucky. I can't say.

M has changed a lot in the last two years. I don't know why. And I really don't want to know. He's a good dad, with his many limitations, but I know he acts the best he can. 

I tried to forget our problems and to go on. 

Once he asked me if I have forgiven him for the way he treated the girls and me when we were married.

I think that forgiving him was really the only one option I had.

Ok, some lines ago I wrote I had two, but I really felt I had just one.

Rage and hatred are destructive feelings. You can't hate someone without somewhat hating yourself too. Hate hurts. Hate burns. Hate uses your energies and in the end it becomes an obsession.

I felt it myself and I found myself trying to shape my life in the way to hurt him as much as I could. And one day I understand I was hurting myself too. Yes, I guess I had my reason to complain about his behavior, but one day I understood that this hate was ruining my life too, using my energies I could have best used to do something better. 

I am happy I decided to keep moving. And I hope my girls will learn this too.